That’s why they are your Ex, The thing about relationships is, they end for a reason.
And yet, for some reason, many people treat breakups like a pause button. They keep the door open “just in case.” Still text. Still talk. But let’s be clear: if you broke up, that was a decision. Not a suggestion. Even celebrities fall into the same patterns. Look at the recent headlines about Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner, one of the most talked-about celebrity divorces of the past year. Despite the public affection, the co-parenting language, the mutual respect, they chose distance. No cryptic reunions, no flirty banter on Instagram. Just space. And that’s not cold. That’s clarity.
You and Your Ex – Two People, Two Different Realities
Every relationship involves two people, and two completely different memory banks. One might romanticize the highs. The other might be stuck remembering all the things that went wrong. That’s the danger of post-breakup communication:
You might be in the mood to “catch up.” They might be thinking it’s a second chance. It’s not about being cruel. It’s about being clear.
Why Staying in Touch With Your Ex Rarely Works
According to psychologists, continuing to communicate with an ex can prolong emotional distress, delay healing, and distort your memory of the relationship. Research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that post-breakup contact is often linked to worse psychological adjustment, especially when one party hasn’t fully moved on. You may think you’re being mature. But if you’re still texting your ex, chances are you’re not healing, you’re hovering.
Closure Isn’t a Conversation. It’s a Choice.
You don’t need one last talk, one final explanation, or a “just checking in” text to find peace. Closure doesn’t come from them. It comes from deciding, “That chapter is over. I’m writing a new one now.” And here’s the truth: most people are better off focusing on future relationships, not re-editing the past. Growth doesn’t come from walking in circles, it comes from walking away.
The delusion of “Just Being Friendly”
Staying friends with your ex might sound enlightened. But unless both parties have completely detached emotionally, it’s a slippery slope. What feels like kindness to you might feel like hope to them. So before you text your ex to say “Hey, just thinking of you”, ask yourself, Is this for them, or is this for me?
If it’s for them, ask yourself, Are they in a place to receive this without misreading it? If it’s for you, ask yourself, Am I seeking comfort, familiarity, or trying to ease my own guilt or loneliness? Neither motive makes you a bad person, but being honest with yourself is key. Sometimes, the most respectful thing you can do is let the silence speak for both of you.
If you truly respect what you once had, honor the breakup too. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means acknowledging that what was meaningful then has run its course now. It’s not erasing the past, it’s creating space for what’s next, with love, with clarity, and with grace.
If this hits the nerve, then binge away
- Boundaries and Where the F to Find Them
- The Illusion of Choice: Do Dating Apps Really Help?
- Emotional Survival and Other Things We Don’t Admit Wanting
